im moving back to blogspot.

it seems to have its fun. so i decided to go back to blogspot.

anyway the link is http://tansk-sheng.blogspot.com

so do update your links and cheers

i just read my schoolmate’s blog for the 1st time. i realise that his blog is very truthful and carries  a very direct tone and style. carrying his heart on his sleeves. and this greatly contrasts out my blog and myself which often always have an indirect mention to people and subtle feelings…hoping that people will take note of it? maybe its just that im afraid of showing my true feelings all out in plain words. whenever i tell someone something close to me, my heart always skips abit. for what reason i dont really know.  i just somehow have a slight inherent guard for things. and when things go wrong, i would turtle myself and rather be spiteful. this is rather hard to overcome. and makes myself unbelievable that i sometimes wonder where would that one person that i can really talk, when the fault mostly lies with me.. ive always believe that such things are a 2 way street. so sometimes when i feel that it suddenly become a one way traffic, i would get rather pissed and raise my guard..oh well..just another queer point about me.

i also realised that i rarely or never mention names in my blog. its always a “he/she”. maybe its self-censorship? or what? i dont really know. but i never feel safe revealing names. it seems like a gigantic magnet to attract troubles and issues. yet never had i met with any of such problems in the first place. so is it a case of pointless defence?

well, this prompts me to kind of think things over. maybe shall alter my blogging style a bit, one baby step at a time.

why am i so affected by you? regardless of how much i tell myself not to see, i still do register your every movement, look and word.  yet, sometimes im afraid to face you…  courage seems to falter at the critical moment.

i just dont know what to do or say in front of you. but the aura of you around seems to bear on me. half my mind daydreams, yet i know so little..

somehow i always been hopeful of things, but reality is indeed pessimistic. sometimes i wish it will be out of sight, out of mind yet it seems i’ll have to continue with this.

We can run, we can hide, just look me in the eye.=)

***What Tan Sheng Kang Means***

You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless – and you have a lot of questions about life.
You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You’re most comfortable when you’re far away from home.
You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

You are usually the best at everything … you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic “Type A” personality.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are the total package – suave, sexy, smart, and strong.
You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.
You don’t always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don’t have as much going for them as you do.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.
Success comes rather easily for you… especially in business and academia.
Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You’re a strong person.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life.
You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone.
Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don’t appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.

You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life.
You are also a keeper of knowledge – meaning you don’t spill secrets or spread gossip.
People sometimes think you’re snobby or aloof, but you’re just too deep in thought to pay attention to them.

I just updated it, love.

i froze in the moment and she changed it all

well, in fact, there is so many things happening recently. am impossible to name it all out.

however, a little thing to take note which i feel worth mentioning.

well, some may know this crazy idea of mine of getting a car license. and trying to get a car as soon as possible. was doing some researching on various cars. and am finally to find the preferred car, or dream car, to be precise. it is the suzuki sx4.

60k is the mark. im able to reach i suppose.

4am. other than grooving to gwen stefani’s 4 in the morning and rushing my project at ikram’s place, i feel a sudden desire to blog. blogging in some sense, is like an update for those who read it. and sometimes, a manner for me to sought out my thoughts. verbalise it and maybe on a later date, look through my previous entries and ponder over it.

for this entry, the purpose would be for the latter.

was feeling mixed and meshed up just 2hrs ago. a chunk of my ego and self-confidence got blasted by a sudden but truthful comment. but im really appreciative of msn and friends that only sleep at 4am. sometimes, just being there at the right time is all that counts.

but amazingly, it didnt take that long to recover, for reason i cant fathom myself either.

its ironic that when i wanted to talk to her, it wouldnt work. but after re-bouncing, it just feels so poignant that she was kinda like carrying on the convo, though i still chip in what i wanted as well. but i feel on msn, it takes even more conscious effort to ‘listen’ properly, even though it could be deceiving easier.

time to end the random ramblings, and time for bed

am very tired. been rushing around, following the directions my little piece of paper provides.

worse thing is next week doesnt seem to be any lighter.

and though as much as i love my iPhone, it seems that my laptop doesnt seem to do so as well.

been indulging in few selective guilty pleasure, but am too shag to blog about it though.

so many things that i want to say, but im fighting a losing battle with my eye lids.

if you think that im talking about you then continue to let it be that way. if i can be so straight-cut at that point of time. what makes you think so that i dont dare to talk it in front of your face? i dont see the point of hiding it. there are alot of errors that i can pin point slowly one by one. the reason behind that i didnt do those things is that i respect you. but if you want to put it on the line then i wont be so forgiving. if you feel angry what-so-ever, we can talk anytime. and im sure you will regret it if you ever did it. trust me. i do what i say so dont challenge me. its been a long time since i last do something drastic, so hopefully you wont be the first if i start.